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April 18th Holiday

NEWSPAPER COLUMNISTS DAY

Today I will celebrate Newspaper Columnists by paying homage to one of the all time greats, Dear Abby.

I found some of the most hilarious questions ever posed to the columnist Pauline Phillips, aka Abigail Van Buren, aka Dear Abby. Instead of writing about how she responded, I will take a crack at dishing out some much needed advice.

DEAR HAYLEY, I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his. CONFUSED

DEAR CONFUSED, I think you may need to go back to Sex Ed class.

 

DEAR HAYLEY, I was married to Bill for three months, and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober. SUE

DEAR SUE, Well, it sounds like you like him as a drunk. Go with it and buy him some more vodka.

 

DEAR HAYLEY, Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING, No.

 

DEAR HAYLEY: Do you think about dying much? CURIOUS

DEAR CURIOUS, Do you know something I don’t know?

 

Wow, some of these questions are pretty classic. People can be really dumb sometimes, huh? Dear Abby was very funny and very witty. I did not even come close to her caliber, but hey, I tried my best.

Total Cost to Celebrate: $0

Clip of the Day:

My personal favorite columnist, nevermind that she’s fictional:

 

P.S. – I miss this show.

 

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