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BARBIE-IN-A-BLENDER DAY

C’mon Barbie, let’s go party….in my BLENDER!!!! Muahahahahaaaa!! I’m starting to get a bad reputation in the Barbie community. First, when I was younger, I decided I wanted to know how Barbie’s knee worked. I performed a very precise surgical procedure and opened up her leg. No I was not a disturbed child, just curious. Second, I for some unknown reason thought it would be a good plan to decapitate my Barbies and switch up their bodies and heads. I don’t really know why I did this, all Barbies have the exact same non-human body type. Maybe I was just too lazy to change their outfits and removing their heads seemed like an easier option. Third, I had a Michael Jackson Barbie (it was amazing, Thriller outfit complete with silver glove) and I ruined poor Michael’s face with a ‘lipstick makeover’. I guess I started to realize at a young age that MJ was quite feminine and I thought he would appreciate the added cosmetics. Now, I’m putting Barbie in a blender. I think if I ever have a little girl and need to buy her Barbies I am going to be banned by that point. The true purpose of this holiday is to commemorate a lawsuit filed by Mattel against a photographer named Tom Forsythe. Mr. Forsythe created a series of photos that involved nude Barbies in compromising positions amongst various kitchen appliances. After battling in court for 5 years, a federal judge ruled that Mattel pay Forsythe 1.8 million in legal fees and court costs, calling Mattel’s suit “frivolous” and “unreasonable.” Today is a celebration of that ruling and the right we have as Americans to free speech. I decided to blend up my Barbie that I purchased to honor today’s holiday. Okay, I didn’t really blend her, I just took pictures and told her if she starts getting mouthy with me again, next time it won’t be so pretty:

By the way, what is up with the quality of Barbie these days? The one I got was made of crap plastic with no bendy knees or ‘lifelike’ skin. Maybe it was because I bought the cheapest one I could find. I really hope that the pricier Barbies are still as good as they used to be.

Total Cost to Celebrate: $4.50 – oh yeah, I got me a clearance Barbie!

 

TAKE YOUR HOUSEPLANT FOR A WALK DAY

You know, plants are living things that probably need some stimulation every so often. I think if I was a plant that was just chilling on someone’s windowsill all day I would get bored real quick. That is the reason why a lot of houseplants die off, they are literally dying of boredom. I do not actually have any houseplants but I do have a workplant that my mom gave me. It is a rose bush and it is actually doing pretty well considering my track record with keeping vegetation alive. The purpose of taking your plant for a walk, as the holiday cites, is to allow it to become acclimated with its surroundings. Well, let’s go then! I recruited my co-worker Karri to join me along on my expedition. While we were making our way outside we decided that my plant needed a name. I suggested we call her (yes, she’s a HER) Rosie, for very obvious reasons. Karri determined that was too easy and deemed my rose bush “Tulip”. Yes, she is now going to be confused about her genetic disposition. One day, when she grows up, she will have to go and get a reassignment surgery most likely. Until that day, a rose by any other name is still a rose. Here is what Tulip’s normal view looks like:

Here we are visiting the other plants outside of our building. Yay, new friends for Tulip! There were also some weird dragonfly bugs that were trying to get frisky with my girl:

We had a delightful walk and I think Tulip is really going to benefit from it. Maybe this holiday isn’t so strange after all.

Total Cost to Celebrate: $0

 

Song of the Day:

Barbie Girl by Aqua. Classic one hit wonder. I am sorry to admit that I actually bought the Aqua CD in high school. That may be on the top of my most embarrassing music purchases of all time. Eek!

 

P.S. – I guess I must have missed when they sold the bald man-scaped version of Ken….interesting.

 

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